I kissed her lips

I kissed her lips. They were soft and silky. They were wet, and hot. I kissed them and kissed them over and over and over again. I breathed her smell. It was intoxicating and filled my nostrils. I luxuriated in the musk of her odors. The aroma invigorated me and filled my passions for her. I tasted her pleasure and it was sweet in my mouth. I am in happiness.

My fantasies fade and all I smell is the scent of my own self. I find release and it is done.

Another year draws to a close. I feel somewhat content, at least in a very small part. I feel relief, I guess, mostly from my annual Christmas anxieties.

In some small way, I also feel like I've accepted my resolve to no longer delude myself in believing that I will have an intimate relationship beyond close friendship. I may fantasize and imagine sex with a woman. I just won't delude myself that something like that will happen, not with someone real, or known, or hoped for. I will not resign myself to this, but accept it as how it is. I need to be happy with the life I have and stop yearning for something that is not a part of it.

I have many blessings in my life, good friends, and good family. I have many worries now, and I can no longer avoid them. I know this, yet I'm still avoiding them. Yet, I feel somehow okay.

I would like to make another woman friend this coming year. Why? I'm not sure. I don't want to date. I don't want to raise any delusions, and perhaps it would be a test or trial. I would not think of her as a test subject. I know I would not do that. I would be a friend as I always have been. I don't want to neglect the friends that I have now, either. In fact, I want to keep them and further my friendship with them.

I am a virgin and that is how it is.

-A Nawty Mouz

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