Facing the Music

Whoa, it has been a while hasn't it. This is for my dear friend who's been asking about what's up and missing me and my posts. Hugs my dear! Thanks for being there. You're dearly missed.

My dear wrote a comment sometime ago on MySpace that I needed some music on my page. I just couldn't do that for two reasons.

First, I cringe whenever I hit a web page that starts playing music or any sound without warning or choice. I'm okay, if I chose to play something by clicking a 'play' button.

Second, and more significantly, I haven't played my own music selections in almost 3 years. I listen to music on radio when I'm in my car, which is set to a mostly 80's station (no requests). And, my radio alarm is set to an easy listening station, which I usually hit the snooze on immediately. Sometimes, I'll let it play for a bit if it comes on after I've gotten up.

But, I haven't listened to my selections, my favorites, for a long time. Why? I don't have a clear or exact reason. I can say, though, that I stopped pretty much right when my dear friend Kay finally gave me her answer. The answer to the question of whether she was interested in something more than a friendship. The answer was no. For me, that was devastingly like a breakup, and yet our friendship continued and got stronger despite my feelings of loss.

In the meantime, I couldn't bring myself to listen to 'my' music. Especially one song in particular that I had used as my theme song for my new 'dating' attitude. The rest of my music that I have collected, I have collected because it inspired or moved me and thus have emotional feelings attached. I respond as much to the tone of music as well as the words and music. So, most all of my music would cause me to feel at a time that I didn't want to feel anymore than I already was feeling.

So, something happened today (doesn't something happen everyday?), something I haven't done in a long time. I played some of 'my' music. I was at work late and it was quiet. I was doing some tedious data corrections, and decided I needed to some background music. So, I started Windows Media Player and created a playlist. I just grabbed and dropped some artists to the playlist (so all of their tracks); Aimee Mann, Enya, Earthtones~Celtic Journey, The Corrs, etc.. Nothing I sing along to or hum to, but I was hearing songs that I remember. (I only listened to a half-dozen of the hundred or so that were selected.)

The theme song, I thought I would share with you here. I still have a mix of feelings about it, but I still love it.


The Corrs, "Breathless" (Live in Trafalgar Square)

Sigh, I don't know if it means much, whether this is a significant event. A slight relaxation of old hurts, or maybe that emotions are very volatile right now and this is an unconscious measure to soothe them.

I have been feeling that with the progress of a couple of situations that having a break down is not outside the realm of possibility.

Monday, a nice thing happened that I think gave me a relief valve, an extra breathe of air. A shuffling of offices gave me the opportunity to move to an office cube with a window. The opportunity was presented before lunch. I put in the request to move my phone to the empty office. An hour or so later, a guy from the help desk stopped by and said he was there to move my phone. I also needed a second network port activated in the new office. He said he could do that too. So, moved phone and computers, finagled network settings, got connected. Boom, I'm online. So, I moved all my stuff and was moved out at the end of the day. So, woo-hoo! Office with a window!

I rode today, it's been like almost 3 weeks since I last rode. I needed to ride. I so needed it. Even though the air is so freaking awful with smoke from all of the fires. I rode.

And, I listened to music.

-A Nawty Mouz

sexblogs

PS: I know, I am projecting a lot of stuff is going on and not saying anything about it. Bear with me. I get so exhausted that I don't have the energy to share it. I so appreciate you my dears and your forbearance.