Shock On My Birthday

It wasn't nearly the shock it was the last time I saw her. It wasn't even as shocking as seeing her family at the church Christmas service. She wasn't with them then, but I was shocky thinking that she was there as well.

My birthday fell on a Sunday this year. I did my usual routine. I picked up grandma (she's 99!), and went to church. I saw her, Belle, as soon as we walked into the sanctuary. In fact, she was sitting at our usual pew. I was shocked. Why, oh why, did she decide to come to church on my birthday!

I had to assess where to sit. So, I directed us to sit in another section. All I could think of was, I need to text Kay and tell her.

After we were settled, I texted Kay. "Guess who's @ church today of all days! Fuck." Her: "Damn. Rough week for you. Are you doing alright?" Ok. ...

I was composed. Of course, this Sunday, was an activity based service, a get to know each other activity. Great, just what I didn't need. You know, when you're in shock in a public place, the last thing you want to do is interact with people. Eh.

The first activity was get up and find someone that has the same color shirt or some such. I didn't get up. I stayed with grandma. After a few minutes, Carol came over to me and said, there's someone here that wants to see you (Gah!). Huh? Who? My Cousin-G! Well, why didn't she just come on over herself? I decided, heck, I'm going to go right over and see her. So, I did.

I was sooo glad my cousin was there. I didn't have a chance to tell her that Belle was there as well, to let her know that I was freaking. I was just glad to catch up a little bit and enjoy her presence. I asked her if she would like to do lunch after the service. Unfortunately, she was catching a plane for her return. So, darn. But, it was so comforting and good cover.

After the service, between chatting with my cousin and others, I had succeeded in avoiding Belle. Well, um, not exactly avoiding, I wasn't walking away from her. It just ended up that we didn't walk up to each other. She did pass by me, and I think she made kind of hi sound as she passed.

The whole time I had radar on her. I was aware of where she was at every moment. And, when I didn't, I was scanning for her to assess her whereabouts. You know when a person you care about is in your presence. You have a heightened sense of their presence. She didn't actual glow, but my eyes saw her a little brighter and sharper than others right next to her. So, yeah, I tried my best not stare or be intent on her, but I was aware of her.

Of all days for her to be at church. It turns out, she came to church every Sunday in February. Each time, the interaction was no more than a brief hi. She seemed just as uncomfortable as I was. For many reasons, it hurt. Though, it seemed that was for the best. The just say "hi" and walk on. So far, March has been Belle free. (I suspect that she went with her parents out-of-state.) Dont get me wrong. I'm glad she was coming to church. I'd just be more at ease if she wasn't attending the same congregation that I was. I almost wish that she was still coming; just so I can get used to seeing her and not get so freaked. Of course, I won't know when I'll see her at church again. But, it won't shocking as it was on my birthday.

-A Nawty Mouz

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